"I stopped at the Sloatsburgh rest area on 87 to hit up a bathroom and get something caffeinated. I locked my car with my keyless entry. When I got back out the keyless wouldn't unlock the car which is a problem because the key I use only starts the car, it won't open any doors due to old locks and the fact that it is a $3 replacement key I got from the local hardware store instead of Subaru because I did the math and $3<$55ish. So even though I have my keys in my hand I'm locked out. I call AAA. They send a dude over and he essentially coat-hangers (Verbing weirds language) my locks open. This sets off the security system, however since the key doesn't open the locks and the keyless is dead I can't shut off the security system to start the car. After 10 minutes of looking like assholes or thieves depending on your perspective he pulls something out from under my dash moves some shit around and the car starts... yay? he hands me a yellow chip looking thing. We say our goodbyes and he's gone. I stop to get gas at the same rest area. I'm a little worried about having to shut off my car but figure I have to do it eventually. Shut off the car, get gas, turn the key in the ignition, nothing. Shit. So I have the barely english speaking guy at the A-Plus help me roll my car out of the way. He offers to help jump the car and even though I know that won't work I allow him to help because he's just being a really good dude and trying really hard. I call AAA back and say that the service I received has made my situation worse. They say they're sending someone back. I pass the time by trying to get on government watch lists by googling "How to Hot-Wire a Car" on my iPhone. Then something occurs to me. Put the yellow thing back... I spend 10 minutes trying to figure out where the thing goes and eventually I figure it out, no alarms go off and the car starts. I call AAA say "thanks, but no thanks, I'm a man and I fixed my car myself." Off I go, I lost 3 hours.
PS. None of this email has been proofread."
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