Why I Hate Facebook & Why I Hate Celebrities... I don’t.

Two for one, you lucky lucky people.

Okay, I don’t hate Facebook. Actually I don’t hate celebrities either but that’s in the second half so just be patient.

What I get upset about is how busy everyone is all the time and how plugged in we all are. I love technology – I love cars that go fast and speakers that play loud and my retina-display iPhone. But when everyone is linked in sending notes to each other about what they’re doing, they’re absent from the physical reality around them. It takes too much of their time and no one can come play in the sandbox with me! And it’s a balance, no doubt. On the one side, you want to send a quick note, a picture, or say hello to someone far away (temporally or geographically). On the other, updating your status as you walk is fucking dangerous. Find a balance, people.

And celebrities.

Do something really well and get famous. I’m for it. Do nothing and get famous. I hate you. Honestly, I don’t think I have to explain it any more than that but if I don’t write at least two more full paragraphs, Microsoft Grammar Check tells me my Flesch-Kincaid Reading Level is negative forty and I should take up another hobby. If someone is famous for their craft, I think, "Gosh, I gotta work a little harder and quit watching movies all the time. Look at how big that guy is!" Apparently, he spent all day, everyday finding the best note for the song. (See: Beatles in Hamburg, Mozart’s father dragging his four-year-old son around Europe to play piano, and Tyler Perry living in a car before he broke out).

But I don’t know what the Kardashians have done to merit their attention. The idea behind reality television is that people are acting like themselves. So the Kardashians are famous for acting like themselves… in front of a camera? Son of a bitch! I act like myself twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week and I’m not famous. What gives?!? It’s the camera! Shit, I gotta get a camera crew on my ass, stat.

So yeah, find a balance between tech-connecting and real-connecting. And work hard if you’re gonna get famous. Then I won’t hate you. Cause I know you were worried about it.